I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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