Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
