Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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