I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
