No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
