this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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