Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
