Princesses don't give blow jobs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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