is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
