i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
