i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
