JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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