I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
