She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
