Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
