I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We need a shit load of segways right now
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
