Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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