My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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