drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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