Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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