Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
