So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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