You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
