'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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