He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
