I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
