I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
