Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
