Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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