Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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