He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
