The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
