i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
