so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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