Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
