Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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