Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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