Jerry, you need to find god
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
