Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
