i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
