I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
