i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
