grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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