pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
