I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
