1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital