Kiss
Puke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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