before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
