I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
