i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
