Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
