well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
