They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
