you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
