my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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