i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
