That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
