She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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