she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
