dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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