God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
