jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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