It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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