So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
