My nipple is on Facebook.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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