dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
