i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
