So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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