Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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