i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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