I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They have beer where we have blood.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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