Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.