We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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