What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
