I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?