Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"