i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
