Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
