Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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