they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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