He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize