Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
