ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
