My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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