Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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