it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
